A "dressing down"

Has it happened to you? Ever shown up in an inappropriate dress or some attire that “elders” frown upon? Sure it hasn’t! It’s not necessary that embarrassments (E) I’ve had are run-of-the-mill types that strike commoners. See, everyone has the right to an encounter or two with Mr. E.  But single digits aside, I have already, dime-a-dozen rendezvous with dishonour in my life. But this one incident in particular took the cake, ate it and fed the crumbs to the friendly neighbourhood kuttas.

It was a Midsummer day’s dream reality when the mercury touched 36 deg. by noon on the auspicious occasion of Mahavir Jayanti , a holiday in college, and I had a Maha encounter with Morul Pulees! Although in this case the enforcers were not some Saffron-clad motley crew but my college Dean himself. This Pulees Sub-Inspector “caught” me in the “act” of wearing a knee length half pant in the college library. Jai Ho! Expecting a deserted campus, I nonchalantly put on my blue tee, my black shorts and landed in the library. That time there was yet another meeting (sic) taking place among the Director and the Faculty (remove the ‘c’) members of this great institute of mine (a.k.a The 8th IIM) in the same place. Sir Phani barged in to scan the book shelf for any latest issues of a monthly. But quickly realising my mis-step or -take, I mumbled “sorry sirs”, left that under- ventilated enclosure and sat in a classroom. I suspect that it was during my interruption that the Gurus caught a glimpse of my provocative, woolly calves for the first time. Moments later, the librarian called me for some work for which I came near the counter. It was that very moment that the Dean (not exactly Deen dayaalu) happened to pass by. A double take and a few seconds later, he called me into the office, mano-a-mano, and told me: “I know today is a holiday but when you come to the college you should NOT come in such casuals. In your home or wherever outside it’s fine but here you just can’t enter in casuals.” A few breaths later he ended with: “Please remember there are women here in the campus (my fav. line). Don’t repeat this.” I replied with a straight face: “I understand, sir. Sorry”. We then dispersed. Jai Ho!

The hit movie song from ‘John-hai-tu-ya-John-hai-na’ named after me started playing in my ears: “But Phani can’t expose saala!” Now in the aftermath of such a red-in-the-face moment, a typical reaction from any other bloke would have been: Old people, generation gap, etc, etc. But Phani, as you are already aware, is far from your daily urban bumpkin. A deeper analysis reveals a startling fact (startling to YOU, re-narration of a truism for me). That the prime trigger behind my Dean’s fervent appeal to me was the features of my legs, below the knees, were simply too attractive to be ignored. They were a hazard to anyone’s concentration. They could have served as a major distraction to unsuspecting ladies who were diligently surfing their Orkut and Facebook accounts or chatting up “old friends” using the college landlines. One only shudders to think the mass misdirection that would have ensued had the girls from my class and among the juniors turned out in full force. “Full force” might have been exactly what they would need to restrain themselves. Another possible cause of beguilement could be the envious boys who could have cast an envious eye on my legs. They would have a hard time holding back their ladies. Both of them might even start “pulling my legs”, one literally speaking, one figuratively.

This incident thus left me wiser. So far I was unmindful of my tempting twosome and took no notice of the hazards of my over gorgeousness. But no more! I took the sage advice and solemnly resolved that no more shall I leave my calves unattended especially in any place bustling with members of the opposite sex no matter how much the weather demands minimum clothing. The SI of the Morul Pulees did me a favour.

Joy Ho!